


keep the light on inside (watch it through to sunrise)

by istajmaal



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom!Harry, F/F, Jealousy, Kink Exploration, Spanking, fights with management, fingerbanging, lesbians having feelings, narry jealousy, so many lesbian feelings you may wonder if you have stumbled into an indigo girls song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 23:10:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/istajmaal/pseuds/istajmaal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Femslash!AU. As rumors that pop stars Harriet Styles and Niall Horan are secretly dating spread, they start to take a toll on Harry's actual secret relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	keep the light on inside (watch it through to sunrise)

**Author's Note:**

> so i started writing spanking smut but then all these lesbian feelings happened? idk this is just a lot of gay girls having emotions about being gay girls. also sex. my usual beta is sort of uncomfortable with the smut so any mistakes are all mine, totally unlike the personages depicted in this work of fiction. title is from the song "through to sunrise" by girlyman because really what this fic needed was more homosexuality. this follows "the things we know" chronologically and develops some of the same themes, but can probably be read alone just as easily. the premise is that the world is basically the same except harry and louis are girls. cheers!

The first time they heard the rumor aloud was at a red carpet affair.

"Niall! Harriet! Harriet!"

Lou, Liam, and Zayn were facing their own set of reporters halfway across the room, but upon hearing her girlfriend addressed by her full name, Lou's head whipped around to see Harry's reaction. She was rocking a strapless black gown that fell to the floor and a set of knitted eyebrows directed towards the reporter who had called her "Harriet." Niall was coughing into the elbow of his suit jacket in an attempt to hide his laughter (no one was fooled), and Lou looked away quickly, grinning but reminding herself that an argument with management about the dangers of eye contact was a surefire way to lengthen the amount of time before which she could rip Harry's dress off her.

Still, as Liam reiterated how excited they were for the forthcoming album for approximately the seventieth time in the last hour, Lou let herself keep her ear trained on the other side of the room, hoping to hear Harry stutter adorably. Instead she heard:

"Is it true that you and Niall have a fling going on behind the scenes?"

As it happened, Harry did stutter. "W-where did you hear that?" she said. Niall stopped trying to hide his laughter. Lou didn't even realize she had turned to stare at them until Zayn's hand on her lower back steered her back around towards the cameras, but Lou still heard the rest of the exchange:

"You two seem to have been spending a lot of time together lately," someone was saying, "and you know the fans, they love to talk."

"Yeah, well," Niall said, his laughter having diminished to a self-satisfied chuckle, "we're in this band together, One Direction, maybe you've heard of us? Trying not to get my hopes up, but I think we might make it big."

Everything around Lou went fuzzy except Zayn's hand keeping her firmly facing forward.

Lou didn't let a lot of the shit the gossip machine said bother her anymore. The rumors about Harry's love life pissed her off, of course. Sometimes she stared at her stomach in the mirror, frowning as the words "the fat one" danced around in her head. But when she was with Harry and the lads, it was so easy to pretend that she didn't give a shit what people said about her that she almost didn't at all.

For some reason, though, _a fling going on behind the scenes_ fell like an anchor in her stomach, and it pulled her gaze to the space between Harry and Niall for the rest of the night. And even though Lou loved Niall like a brother, when his hand found its way to Harry's bare shoulder, Lou felt the urge to smack it away.

 

###

 

"Abso-fucking-lutely _not_ ," Niall said, so loudly that Lou was stunned out of her temporary deafness.

Harry and Niall had been called in to meet with Magee over breakfast in his hotel suite two days after the awards show. Naturally, all five of them had shown up. It had been quite satisfying to take in his look of surprise as they had all made themselves at home in his room immediately--he had been bossing them around for two and a half years, but he still seemed basically unaware of how they _worked._ Liam and Lou had taken the chairs set up opposite Magee at the small table while Niall and Zayn grabbed pastries from the room service cart and hopped onto the desk behind them. Harry had sat herself on Lou's lap, wearing Lou's tee shirt that was too short on her, and Lou couldn't stop herself from smiling smugly as her hand settled on the exposed skin of Harry's lower back. The smugness had been forgotten as soon as Magee started talking.

"Let me be clear," Magee said, looking between all of them with his brow furrowed slightly. "I'm not asking you to _say_ anything out of the ordinary, and I'm certainly not asking you to lie--" Lou dropped the danish in her hand onto her plate and Zayn nudged the back of her chair with his foot. "--I'm just saying, it might be a good idea for Harry and Niall to play up the relationship a little, on camera. A few extra hugs, significant glances. It might take the heat off--well. It would be good to give the fans something harmless to speculate about."

"You're barking," Harry said, a tone more of wonderment than dismay in her voice. "You are actually certifiably _mad_ if you think we'd agree to that." She turned to Lou with a look of incredulity, searching her face for something like agreement, but Lou had started to feel like a hangover was swallowing her whole, even though she hadn't had a drink since the awards show.

"You're already _friends_ ," Magee said, a note of desperation entering his voice. He looked plaintively at Liam, as if waiting for him to agree. "I know you've voiced your dissent about PR relationships and we've _heard_ you, but this is different, isn't it?"

Lou let out a bark of a laugh. Harry draped her arm around her shoulder, and kept looking at her like she was expecting her to say something. Lou just shook her head.

"Yes," Liam said slowly. "It is different." He didn't quite sound like he was agreeing with anyone, but Niall still looked at him like he had sprouted a third head.

"It's bloody _worse_." Zayn looked between Liam and Lou and shook his head. "The only reason we all put up with this closeting bullshit is because we know we're here for each other, no matter what. You try to turn that into a tool in your bullshit publicity game, I am _out_ , mate."

They had joked, once, about how Zayn threatened to quit the band every time someone tried to rush him out of the bathroom. _Zayn would threaten to quit the band if someone brought him his tea cold,_ Lou had said, nudging him in the stomach. This time, no one was laughing. Liam looked at Zayn, then at Magee, and nodded. Lou was really glad for a moment that she had stopped hating Liam a long time ago.

"It was just a suggestion," Magee said weakly, though everyone in the room knew it had been more than that. "Of course, we wouldn't want to disrupt your natural rapport more than is, erm, necessary."

"Necessary," Lou said. Everyone's eyes turned to her, and Niall looked a little relieved, like the responsibility for going off on Magee had been lifted off him. But Lou just looked at Niall, then at Magee, and she just couldn't find the words. "Necessary," she repeated. She let her hands drop from Harry and stood, Harry scrambling off her lap to let her, and left the room without another word.

Harry followed Lou into the corridor almost immediately, but Lou was already standing with her hands and forehead pressed to the wall. She felt Harry hesitate for a moment before putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Lou," Harry said. "Honey."

"I can't talk about this right now," Lou said into the wall, because there were people around and security cameras but more importantly because she _refused_ to cry over this, but trying to speak around the ball of anxiety in her throat made her eyes water.

Harry's hand smoothed down Lou's back before dropping and _no, not crying_. "Lou. I know you're really upset right now, I am too, but--"

"Just," Lou said, clenching her hands into fists before dropping them and turning to look at Harry, "not now."

Harry rubbed at her eye like she was sleepy, even though they'd gotten seven hours' worth of sleep the previous night. She nodded. "Can we go back to bed then, please," she said, her voice quiet and flat. "For a bit."

If they hadn't gone to talk to Magee, Harry would've already be needling Lou about getting out of bed so that they wouldn't be late for their car in forty-five minutes. "I think you're already perfect," she would've said, kissing Lou on the forehead, "but I know you're attached to your little routines, where you brush your teeth and put on clothes and things." Lou would've groaned and pulled the pillow over her head and Harry would've straddled her legs and taken her hand and kissed it and run her fingers through Lou's hair until she couldn't've stopped herself from leaning up to kiss her back and then Harry would've dragged her out of bed and given her arse a squeeze as she headed into the loo.

Instead, Harry looked small and uncertain and like she didn't care if they make the driver wait. Lou nodded and guided her to their suite, her fingertips just barely brushing the skin of Harry's back.

 

###

 

It shouldn't have meant anything. It _didn't_ mean anything. Yes, Harry and Lou were in the closet; yes, that meant they had to do things they hated sometimes; but there was no reason this particular thing should have felt different from any of the other things.

Lou wasn't jealous of Niall. She couldn't be. All of the boys felt like family, but Niall reminded her so much of her actual sisters that she sometimes thought of him as her younger brother who had been stolen away to Ireland at birth. Lou knew Harry felt the same way, _knew_ that there was nothing between them that threatened Lou's relationship with Harry in any way, so she wasn't jealous of Niall.

She was maybe jealous of the way people just _believed_ Niall may be sleeping with Harry. She was maybe jealous of how, when Niall or any one of the boys, really, interacted with Harry, people saw it as something that might _mean_ something, but that for a whole year Lou had been allowed to hold Harry's hand and kiss her cheek and play with her hair in public because it was _harmless_. Lou suspected it had something to do with her being a girl, with how, next to Harry, she wasn't even a pretty girl, and how people found it so hard to believe that girls could want things other than being wanted by boys. If Lou was jealous of anything about Niall, it was how easy it would be for him to want Harry, to embrace her in front of the cameras and for all the other rumors about her to grind to a halt.

But Lou couldn't talk to Harry about any of that. Lou couldn't tell Harry how worthless and undesirable she felt just out of the spotlight, not while thousands of people called Harry a whore on Twitter every day. For Harry, who couldn't help being nice to people even if she knew it would mean rumors all over the gossip blogs, being a girl in One Direction meant that half the world thought she was a slut and the other half was in love with her. For Lou, who couldn't help openly scoffing at every man or boy who tried to hit on her, being a girl in One Direction meant the whole world thought she was a little too fat and kind of a bitch. But Lou was always the one who confiscated Harry's phone when she found her scrolling through the hateful comments, Lou had been the one whose shoulder Harry had cried on drunkenly and said _I quit, I quit, I'd rather stay locked in this room for the rest of my life than be a famous whore anymore_ , and so Lou loved her so much that she couldn't bear to suggest that maybe, _maybe_ that was better than standing in the center of a party and being invisible.

And so Lou didn't talk about it. Not when Harry stared at her expectantly in bed, kissing her hands, not when Niall offered to punch Magee next time he suggested anything like that, not the next day when Harry tried to hold her hand behind Liam's back during a meet-and-greet and Lou ignored her, not when Harry cried during their ten-minute break and asked why she was pushing her away, not when Zayn and Liam cornered her later that day and asked what had happened, not when Harry slept curled in a ball on the other side of the bed without even asking again. Because it didn't mean anything, and so it would pass.

 

###

 

If Lou had known she was going to end up spanking Harry, the next few days might have made a lot more sense.

They weren't fighting. It might have been easier if they were, because the longest Harry and Lou had ever been able to remain in a state of open hostility towards each other was five and a half hours (it had been right after The X Factor; Lou hadn't officially broken things off with her boyfriend from home; Harry had screamed _I won't be your dirty little secret_ and god, they had been so young). They weren't ignoring each other, either, exactly; they still kissed first thing in the morning, Harry still made Lou her breakfast, and Lou still made Harry her cup of tea before bed. But the brazenness in their banter had faded, they hadn't had sex since the disastrous breakfast meeting with management, and they always seemed to be looking just past each other. Lou spent a lot of time trying not to let her wan smile waver.

The more guarded they became in private, though, the louder and more insufferably antsy Harry had been in public: pulling on Lou's shirt and mussing up her hair during interviews, sticking out her tongue at Liam when he shot her annoyed glances, arm wrestling with Niall during a signing. Management had been on her arse (and, more discretely, Lou's) about it for days, but that only seemed to encourage Harry.

"I know you all take great pleasure in driving us up the wall," Paul had said to Lou while they were wrapping up the signing that Harry and Niall had arm-wrestled half of the way through, "but this is different. It's like she doesn't even care that some of these preteen girls have been lining up for two days to see her."

"I know," Lou said, looking over her shoulder at Harry as she kicked at a bit of paper on the floor. "I know."

"And I know she's her own person and all that," Paul continued, "but could you please try to talk to her? She listens to you."

"I'll try to talk to her," Lou lied. Harry looked at them and then quickly looked away. "I will."

It was during the Teen Vogue photo shoot that things really got out of hand. If Lou hadn't been with her all day, she would have thought Harry was plastered. She wasn't listening to any of the instructions the camera crew was giving her, and she kept tugging at the bottom of the pleated denim skirt Lou was wearing and wiggling her eyebrows. As Lou swatted her hands away, she looked over her shoulder to see who was watching (and yes, one of those behind-the-scenes cameras was pointed their way), and when she turned back, Harry was leaning her head as if she was waiting for a kiss. Lou had had to pull her into a quick hug, whispering _cameras, Harriet, bloody hell_.

Harry pulled away from her without another glance and shoved her hands in the pockets of her purple skinny jeans, then rolling and unrolling the sleeves of her light blue button-up while keeping an impatient eye on the cameras. Lou hoped that meant she had calmed down, and as she posed with Liam, her elbow cockily placed on his elbow, he nudged her side sympathetically.

"It's just a rough week," he said, and yeah, Lou was really glad that she had stopped being a dick to Liam a long time ago. She gave him a weak smile.

"Harry, what the _\--fuck,_ " came a sudden, furious voice, "what the _fuck?!_ "

Lou pulled her elbow off Liam so fast that he moved to steady her. Harry was standing just behind the couch where Zayn had been napping for the past hour, with a slight grin. Zayn's hand was on his head, and it looked like part of his quiff (the quiff for sake of which Zayn had been sleeping with his head at a terribly uncomfortable angle, the quiff which had taken more than two hours to style to his satisfaction) was twisted into--yes, that was a series of small braids. With the amount of product in Zayn's hair, Lou didn't want to think about how much time it would take to untangle them.

"I'm going to _kill_ you," Zayn said, and the awe in his voice had none of its usual cheekiness. Harry's grin didn't fade; it might have widened a little. She didn't break eye contact with him. Zayn looked like he might actually punch her, and Harry looked like she might actually be daring him to.

"Mates!" Niall said, just a little unsteadily, taking a step towards them from where he had been standing at the coffee table. He held his arms out, palms down, a little exaggeratedly, like he was trying to make this a joke, but Harry didn't even blink as Zayn's fists clenched.

Lou glanced at Paul, who looked like he was about to put his own fist through a wall or cry. Checking to see if there were cameras (more out of habit than anything else), Lou stalked across the room, grabbed Harry by the hand, and started tugging her out of the room just as Lou Teasdale started swooping towards Zayn with a round brush and a soothing tut. "Give us a minute," she said to Paul, who shook his head, more out of frustration than disagreement, and yelled, "we're taking five!" to whomever was supposed to be listening.

There was a bathroom just down the hall. Harry didn't say anything as Lou yanked her into the obscenely floral-scented little room by her wrist. "Love," Lou said, pulling the door shut behind them roughly, "what are you _doing?_ "

Harry shrugged, leaning against the blue tile wall and picking at her fingernails. "Just taking the piss," she muttered.

"Don't give me that shit," Lou said. She stood toe-to-toe with Harry and tried not to dwell on how much taller she was and how hot it was because for once, that was _not_ the point of dragging her off to the loo; Harry probably wouldn't even let her fuck her right now and that was no small part of why she was grinding her teeth. "Zayn's hair, _seriously_ , during a cover shoot? The _fuck_? It's like you're following some 'how to drive everyone who cares about you totally mad'script, and it's getting a bit tired. Come on, I _know_ you."

Harry looked up at Lou and her eyes seemed somehow smaller, the petulance that had been dancing in them all week erased. "Yeah," she said, sinking a little farther down the wall. "You do."

Lou leaned back a bit against the opposite wall. It was a small room; even now the tips of her toes were only a few inches from Harry's scuffed brown suede boots. "I don't know what you want me to say to that, Harry," Lou said

Harry shrugged. Her eyes seemed to settle on the Beatles album cover on Lou's tee shirt. "Sorry?" she said, and Lou wasn't sure if it was a brush-off or a suggestion.

Lou tugged at the bottom of her shirt mindlessly. Her hands itched for something to do, to hold. "I know something's bothering you," she said. She hesitated, looked into the mirror slightly to Harry's left and said, "and I know it's probably me."

Still looking in the mirror rather than at Harry, Lou could see Harry's eyebrows raise in her peripheral vision. She snorted. "Narcissist."

"Am I wrong?" Lou looked away from the mirror.

Harry adjusted her bangs and looked at Lou's blue Converses. "You haven't been paying attention to me," she said. Lou caught her eyes again. She shouldn't look so fucking beautiful when she pouted. None of this had ever been fair.

Lou raised her own eyebrows. "So you take it out on Zayn's hair? Seems a bit risky."

"Lou." There was no pleading in Harry's voice, just resolve, but she added, "Please."

"I know." Lou almost ran her hand through her hair but remembered at the last second that mussing it up would mean even more heartache for everyone. She looped her thumbs around the belt loops of her skirt and wished it had pockets. "This week. We've been... off."

" _You've_ been off," Harry said. She straightened her back a little and crossed her arms over her chest for a moment before dropping her hands back into her pockets. "I'm. I'm right here. I'm always right here."

It took all of Lou's strength not to pull her hair out of her head and scream. "I _know_ ," she said. "Okay? I know." She exhaled and scratched the back of her neck. Harry continued to observe her passively. "I fucked up. I keep fucking up. I just, this whole week..." She gestured aimlessly with her hands, her gaze stuck on the space between their shoes. "Fucking up all the time. Fuck. I just don't know how to deal with. You know. I'm sorry. Fuck. Sorry." She pressed the heel of her hand against her eye and _didn't_ fucking cry.

" _Heeey_." Lou didn't look up but Harry's hand was on her chin and her hand was on her neck and Lou just wanted to crumble against her chest and never leave. "I don't know how to do this either," Harry whispered in Lou's ear as she sunk her fists into her shirt. "Not without you."

Lou looked up and Harry might've been fucking crying, she didn't want to see. She put her hands on Harry's waist and spoke to the swallows on her collarbones. "Let's skip dinner with the lads tonight?" Lou said. "Go home early." She paused, then rested a hand on Harry's hip, thumb running along the hot skin just above her jeans. She tried to smile cockily but it felt more like she was begging. "I'll pay plenty of attention to you."

Lou looked back up at Harry and she was smiling, a little guardedly, but it was a smile. "Yes," was all she said. Lou put a finger into one of her dimples and Harry smiled harder. "Yes."

"As long as you behave yourself," Lou said, poking at Harry's hip where she knew _might as well_ was inked into the skin.

Harry pulled away a little to give her a stern salute. "Yes, ma'am." Her eyes were red but she definitely wasn't crying anymore, thank _god._ She hunched over to bury her face in Lou's neck, inhaling deeply and squeezing her arms around Lou tight. Lou only noticed then that she had been holding her breath.

"And steer clear of Malik's hair, yeah?" she said, forcing herself to smile against Harry's neck. "I'd like you all in one piece." And that's when it happened.

It was supposed to be a playful slap on Harry's arse. Somehow, though--maybe it was the weird, hunched over angle of Harry's hug or maybe it was the fact that they hadn't had sex in a week (probably it was a little of both, and a touch of something else that Lou wasn't ready to acknowledge)--somehow, Lou ended up smacking Harry's arse hard enough to make a loud _crack_ and leave her hand stinging for a second.

It wasn't a _thing_ , Lou thought quickly. It was automatic. Like a reflex or something. Can you have reflexes you don't even know about? Lou thought that she should really look that up. She pulled out of the hug quickly and saw that Harry's jaw had slackened. Lou felt herself go red. "I--sorry," she said, fixing Harry's collar apologetically and not looking her in the eye. "I don't even know where that came from. Sorry."

"Again," Harry said, her voice high and breathless. Lou quirked an eyebrow and looked back up at Harry. Her pupils were suddenly wide and dark, and she chewed a little on the inside of her cheek, barely blinking.

"Harriet," Lou said, almost choking on the name. She shook her head slightly and tried not to laugh or push Harry up against the wall and rip her clothes off with her teeth. "You--this is _not the time_ to develop any fascinating new kinks, we're halfway through a photo shoot and you just promised me you'd behave."

" _Please_ ," Harry said, pulling Lou closer by the bottom of her tee shirt, and Lou had to remind herself to swallow, Harry looked so gorgeous and already almost wrecked. "I will, I'll be good, _promise_."

Harry was only inches from the wall, so there wasn't much room to do it properly, now that she was thinking about it, but Lou swatted Harry's arse again once, a bit more sharply than before, not taking her eyes off Harry as her eyes fluttered shut and her lips fell open slightly. "Later," Lou mumbled, standing on her tip-toes to kiss Harry briefly before pulling her out of the loo, which proved to be much easier than dragging her in. Lou hoped that her expression wasn't half as gooey and pliant as Harry's (but then again--so what if it was).

By the time they returned to the shoot, the flush on Harry's cheeks had gone down somewhat, and she apologized to Zayn calmly before standing quietly in the corner, waiting her turn.

"What did you _do_ to her," Zayn muttered in amazement as the photographer turned Liam's head slightly. He jerked his chin over to Harry, who was chatting pleasantly with one of the interns, hands shoved into her pockets.

Lou wiggled her eyebrows. "You really want to know?"

"No, nope," Zayn said quickly, "absolutely not, forget I said anything." He shook his head a little as the photographer came over, tutting, to adjust his stance.

 

###

 

The band had been planning to have dinner at Zayn's that night, take-out from at least three different places. Niall had been planning what they were going to order for at least two days, and Liam had been groaning about their workout schedule for nearly as long. When Harry and Lou slipped out after changing out of the photo shoot clothes with muttered apologies, though, all of the lads were beaming. Niall had whooped and shouted "get it!" as they got into the car.

When they got home, Harry hovered near the door while Lou took her jacket off, like she was waiting for something. Even though she was pretty sure she knew what, Lou brushed past her to get to the living room, one hand trailing over her hip lightly.

Harry followed Lou onto the couch and sat next to her tentatively, keeping her face turned towards Lou as she turned on the telly. Eventually Lou turned to look at her, and found Harry's eyes searching her face.

"Well?" Harry said, looking down at her hands and then up at Lou again quickly.

"Hmmm?" Lou smiled sweetly and pecked her on the lips, but Harry didn't lean into it. "What's up, love?"

"Was I good?" Harry's hair fell into her eyes as she looked up at Lou coyly. Fucking hell.

Lou bit the inside of her cheek. "Yes," she said. "You were very good."

"So?" Harry slid closer to Lou, her eyes pleading, and it took _so_ much willpower for Lou to stop herself from ravishing her on the couch that she had to cut the flirty crap immediately.

"Are we going to talk?" Lou said, muting the telly and finally looking at Harry. "Because I'm freaking out, a little."

Harry blinked and her shoulders tensed. "Thought you didn't want to talk," she said, and there wasn't even any bitterness there, and _what had Lou done to deserve this girl._

"Erm," Lou said, because she didn't, not about what Harry meant. "I meant. About how I hit you? And it turned you on?"

Harry relaxed, at least a little. She pulled her legs onto the couch and sat cross-legged. "Why would that freak you out?" she said.

"I could've _hurt_ you," Lou said, watching Harry out of the corner of her eyes. She thought about putting her hand on Harry's knee but Harry burst out a short laugh.

It was the most genuine laugh Lou had heard in days. "I think you're overestimating your strength, sweetheart," Harry said. She put a tentative hand on Lou's shoulder, like _is this okay, really_ and Lou leaned into it.

Lou didn't laugh like Harry, but she did snort. "I mean, but like," she waved her hands in front of her face, grinning a little at Harry's touch on her shoulder even as she tried to explain, "in principle. _Hitting_ my girlfriend shouldn't be. You know. Hot."

"A- _ha_ ," Harry said, shoving her shoulder a little. She smiled smugly as Lou looked up at her in surprise. "So you admit it was hot as hell."

"I--I don't know," Lou said. She looked between Harry and her hands. "Well. _Yes_ , obviously. But I think it was more like, I saw what it did to you? I get turned on seeing _you_ turned on."

"All right," Harry said, nodding once. She swung her legs over Lou's so she was straddling Lou's lap, and Lou's hands settled on her hips automatically. Lou looked up at Harry and fuck, her tits were basically in Lou's face and it had been so _long_ , Lou found herself grinding her teeth. "What if I told you that you spanking me turned me on, like, a _lot_?"

Lou swallowed. "I just," she said. "I don't want to hurt you." Her hands slid onto Harry's arse and _damn_ Harry had gotten so much taller than her in the last few months, so much so that when Harry threw her head back a little Lou couldn't even see her eyes.

"You won't," Harry said, turning her head back down to her. "Well, not _too_ badly, anyway. Not just with your hand." She shifted her hips a little, as if looking for friction on her crotch. "Think I might like it to hurt later, though."

And at that Lou felt arousal _pour_ over her. She couldn't rub up against Harry at the angle they were at, so she squeezed Harry's arse cheeks and sighed as Harry whimpered a bit. "Can you just--can you tell me what turns you on about it?" she said. "I want to try it, if you want to, it would just be easier if I knew."

Harry nodded, then kissed the top of Lou's head. "Partly it's just that I like the idea of feeling you, after," she said, her voice so low it was almost a _purr,_ undoing the top buttons of Lou's shirt and pressing her thumb into the place on Lou's collarbone where almost any other week there would be a love bite.

Lou closed her eyes. "I get that," she said hoarsely.

"I like the idea of being yours," Harry said, continuing to unbutton Lou's shirt, ducking down to press a kiss to her neck. "I like--I don't know, I like the idea that my body is yours to do, you know, whatever you will with."

"But I don't _want_ to actually hurt you." Lou opened her eyes as Harry tugged her white button-down over her shoulders, leaving her just in her black bra and her skinny jeans.

"I know that," Harry said, smirking, sliding off Lou's lap onto the floor and pressing a kiss just above her belly button before reaching around to unclasp her bra. "I guess that's the other part. I trust you, yeah? I trust you so much that you can literally be hurting me, and I'll _still_ know you would never hurt me." _I don't deserve this_ , Lou thought as Harry eased the bra straps off Lou's shoulders, and she hissed as Harry caught her hot breasts, squeezing a bit and pinching at the nipples.

"And I like the idea that I can take it," Harry said finally, meeting Lou's eyes. "You know, with all this, this _shit_ \--" Harry's hands left Lou's breasts and settled on her knees "--it feels like I can't control the things that can hurt me. But I trust you, and I could control this, yeah?"

Lou nodded, took Harry's head into her hands, and kissed her forehead. "You've been thinking about this."

"Yeah," Harry said. She ducked down to kiss Lou's knees through the holes in her jeans, failing to hide her smile. "Keeps my mind off... things."

"Niall," Lou said, and immediately wished she hadn't. Harry scrunched up her nose.

"Oh yeah," she said, nodding in faux-agreement. "Hard to think about anything but that hot Irish piece of arse. Whoops, did I say that out loud?"

Lou picked up a pillow from the couch and hit Harry over the head with it. "I _ought_ to spank you, for that." Harry fell over onto the floor, laughing. "Getting me all hot and bothered and then making me think about Niall's _arse_ , Jesus."

Harry rolled over on the floor, pressing her face into the carpet to muffle some of her laughter. Lou crawled on top of her, straddling her hips and pulling her ratty black tee-shirt over her head, palming her breasts through her silky green bra. Harry let out an _oh_ but that didn't stop her giggling. Lou rolled her eyes and kissed her between the eyes. Harry finally stopped laughing long enough to undo Lou's jeans and shove them together with her pants down over her arse.

"I love you," Harry said. "And your arse is incredible." She squeezed it, for good measure.

"Idiot." Lou kissed between her eyes again and leaned back slightly, her jeans rolling back up a little uncomfortably. "So," she said. "How do you want to do this? I think you're a bit too tall to get over my knee comfortably."

Harry's eyes went a bit glossy. "Hands and knees, I guess." Her bottom lip caught between her teeth as she stared up at Lou expectantly.

Lou rolled off Harry and started to pull her to her feet. "Bed, then," she said. Harry followed without complaint.

Lou kicked off her jeans on the way to bed, and it was a testament to how horny Harry was that she didn't stop to pick them up and drop them in the hamper. She made quick work of the rest of her own clothes and dropped them next to the bed before crawling onto her hands and knees, facing the headboard, looking back over her shoulder at Lou, still chewing on her bottom lip.

Lou had to stop and stare for a moment. The curve of Harry's spine, the slight well of her arse, her breasts hanging down and swaying slightly as Harry put a knuckle to her mouth and _bit it_ in anticipation--all on top of the big white bed in the big blue room that was _theirs,_ all theirs and only theirs. Lou was not quite sure yet how she felt about this whole spanking thing but _this_ , everything else--Harry was fucking perfect.

"How many do you want?" Lou said, her voice feeling a bit foreign, when she finally crawled onto the bed behind Harry. Harry leaned back on her haunches for a moment and twisted to give Lou a kiss. Lou's hands cupped Harry's breasts from behind, twisting her nipples while she nipped at her neck.

"Twenty?" Harry said, her voice a little high. Lou blinked, and her hands dropped from Harry's breasts with an affectionate squeeze, settling on the outstretched wings of the moth on Harry's abdomen.

"How about we see how you feel after ten?" Harry hesitated, but nodded and pecked Lou's lips one more time before settling back onto her hands.

For a fraction of a second while Lou stared at Harry's arse from directly behind her, she thought, _I can't do this_. Then Harry glanced over her shoulder again, her pupils already totally blown, her lips pink and swollen from chewing on them. Lou inhaled, moved a little to the left so she could get a good angle, said, "yes, all right," and delivered the first spank.

What was really incredible was how Harry's whole bodyseemed to move with it. Harry's arse wasn't particularly prone to jiggling, but as Lou's hand landed Harry's whole body keened and her breasts swayed and yes, okay, just looking at Harry and how the muscles in her neck strained as she faced the ceiling, Lou could do this.

The first few spanks were light, far lighter than what Lou knew Harry wanted, but Lou had to let herself get used to the way it felt, Harry's whole body racking with the smack of her open palm. Harry whimpered a bit each time, ducking her head down between strokes and then throwing it back a little, pushing back into Lou's hand.

"A bit harder?" she said, turning back to make eye contact with Lou before her eyes fluttered closed with number five.

And then--it wasn't that Lou was _trying_ to go easy on Harry. She kept allowing herself plenty of build-up, but something kept making her pull back a little every time she made contact with Harry's already irritated skin. It just--it looked like it _hurt,_ the way her pale arse flashed red with each spank, and a part of her remained unconvinced that _hurt_ in connection with Harry was okay. So: six, seven, eight came quickly, not altogether there, and then Harry was panting and turning her head back towards Lou again.

"Harder," Harry croaked, rocking her hips insistently, but her eyes seemed a little unfocused and that felt like it meant Lou was doing something right. "I feel you holding back, come _on_."

Lou nodded and inhaled deeply. When she spanked Harry again, she didn't _quite_ give it her all but her hand followed through on the stroke, not pulling back like she had been, and Harry moaned, nodding eagerly, saying _yes_. Nine. Ten.

"Hurts?" Lou said, resting her hands on Harry's sore arse, marveling in the way the gentle press of her hand turned the pink skin white. Ten was a nice, even number. Maybe ten was enough.

"No-- _yes_ but it's fucking _amazing_ , like... fuck, I. _Lou_." Harry rocked back and forth on her knees, bumping her arse back against Lou's stomach, and Lou's mouth suddenly curled into a grin. Anything that got Harry to say her name like that just _had_ to be worth trying again.

Eleven. Twelve. Harry was breathless now, her chest heaving and her fingers clenching and unclenching in the sheets. "Tell me how it feels." Lou kneaded the globes of flesh she had been abusing as she waited for Harry to answer.

" _Hot_ ," Harry said. Her words came out shakily, between heavy inhalations. "Tight. Like. Like I'm. Like coiling underneath my skin. I don't, I don't know, Lou," she whined, breathing hard as Lou pinched her right in the middle of the handprint that was starting to form on her right arse cheek, "it's just _good_."

"Think you can make it to twenty?" Lou said under her breath and Harry nodded, closed her eyes and kept nodding and nodding.

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Harry's arse was _glowing_ red now, except for the vague white imprints of Lou's hands. Harry's mouth kept moving and sounds kept coming out, _delicious_ sounds, perfect sounds, but it didn't seem like she could form words anymore, and _that_. Well. Without even really knowing what she was doing, Lou grabbed a fistful of Harry's hair and yanked her up onto her knees so she could kiss her cheek sloppily, sucking a quick mark under Harry's ear. "You look so fucking good for me," she said throatily into her ear, one hand still tangled in her hair and the other grasping at her breast and Harry's body was wracked with a half-sob as she nodded wildly, keening, her eyes squeezed shut, and that _did_ something to Lou--she wouldn't've called it coming, quite, but there was a satisfaction in the way she felt her whole insides clench that might've been the next best thing. Lou pushed Harry back down onto her hands gently before spanking her, _hard_ , her three times in quick succession, and Harry's hands shook so hard she collapsed onto her elbows.

"Two more," Lou said, her own voice a bit unsteady because she couldn't remember ever seeing Harry so _wrecked,_ trembling everywhere and unable to even keep her eyes open. Her own hand was really starting tosting but it felt peripheral, far away. "If you want them."

"Want," Harry breathed. She shifted her knees a little, like she was trying to push her arse up farther, but instead her legs spread wantonly. Her cunt was glistening, it was so wet, and Lou ran a teasing finger along Harry's slit once, twice, spreading the wetness and Harry all-out sobbed. "W-want," she stuttered again, her fingers turning white in their fists. Everything inside Lou clenched again and she would have sworn if she could find her breath.

Harry's right cheek was looking far more red than her left, so Lou struck the left this time, inhaling sharply. Harry whimpered as she buried her face in the bed. "Sure you don't just want me to fuck you?" Lou said lowly, and Harry shook her head furiously into the bed, rocking back her hips but not moving much with her legs now spread open.

The last hit landed squarely in the middle of the imprint of Lou's hand on Harry's right cheek. Harry gasped and another little sob shook her whole body. "Good girl," Lou said absently, palming the hot red flesh beneath her in amazement as Harry's whole body continued to shake.

"Think you can come for me now, babe?" Lou said. She kissed her handprint on Harry's arse as her index finger pressed into Harry's slit and trailed up to her clit gently. Harry pressed into the touch, and from the muffledness of the following moan Lou figured that she was biting into her forearm. Lou inhaled deeply and moved in small ovals around Harry's clit before trailing her fingers up to Harry's entrance, teasing it with two fingers until Harry bucked into her with a desperate moan.

Two fingers slid into Harry easily, she was so wet and eager, and she whined spectacularly as Lou steadied her other hand on her arse, rocking back without thinking, meeting Lou's thrusts inside her. Lou added a third finger and changed her angle slightly and knew she hit Harry's G-spot from the way her sob was almost a scream. Lou steadied her breath and repeated the same little push and crook of her fingers a few times and Harry was _gone_ , stuttering wordlessly and gasping for air.

After a minute or so of the same, Lou lightly slapped the fading-but-still-screaming-red flesh of Harry's arse and that was it, she was coming, clenching hard and wild against Lou's fingers, rutting back against her touch with a helpless moan, until her knees finally slipped out from under her. Harry laid sprawled out on the mattress, her thighs twitching slightly from the aftershocks of her orgasm, and Lou took a moment to take the sight in breathlessly, tasting Harry on her fingertips.

Eventually she crawled up towards Harry's head and kneeled over her, running soothing hands through her curls and over her shoulders, down her upper arms, rubbing absently over Harry's tattoos. "You amaze me," she whispered, mostly to herself, but Harry might have heard because she turned her head to the side and glanced up at Lou, so well-fucked it seemed like she couldn't even focus her eyes. There were tear marks on her cheeks, and for once, that didn't make Lou panic. She just pressed her thumbs to them in awe.

"Let me," Harry mumbled, pawing at Lou's thigh uselessly for a minute until her face sunk back down into the bed.

Lou chuckled. "Not tonight, babe," she said, resting her hand on the back of Harry's head. "'m as exhausted as you are." She squeezed Harry's hand. "I'm going to get some cream or something for your bum, you're really red."

Harry made a wordless sound that was muffled by the sheets. Lou went to the bathroom and found some aloe vera lotion she didn't remember buying in the medicine cabinet. She hoped it would help, and made a mental note to Google these kinds of things before next time. Next time.

When she came back to the bedroom, Harry seemed to have at least found enough energy to pull her legs closed, and that was something. She cooed softly as Lou started to spread the aloe vera over her bum. "Don't _squirm_ so much," Lou muttered as she soothed the lotion over the angry red marks on Harry's cheeks. "Next time I'll have to tie you up to get you to stop, hmm?"

" _Yes_." Harry moaned softly and looked up at Lou over her shoulder before burying her head back into the bed. "Don't say you're kidding, Lou, Jesus _Christ_."

Lou blinked and shook her head. "Fuck," she said, "but aren't you are incredible." She tossed the lotion bottle over the side of the bed and crawled up next to Harry, putting a hand on the small of her back and kissing the back of her head. "Maybe I should hold out on you more often."

"I would _eat_ you," Harry said, her forehead still pressed to her forearm on the bed. "Not in the sexy way. I would take all of your extremities and _gnaw_ on them until they fell off or you fucked me again." She groaned and finally turned her head so that her nose touched Lou's. "See, I can't even properly joke about it. That was gross."

"Sorry." Lou kissed her properly, hands curling in her hair and tongue running lazily against Harry's. "Sorry," she said again when she pulled away.

After a few minutes with their foreheads pressed together, Harry nudged Lou to turn around into little spoon and kissed her shoulder before pulling her close and Lou sighed a little as Harry's breasts pressed against her back because they were so _warm_. "I love you," Harry muttered as her hands raked over Lou's bare stomach, squeezing her breast gently before settling back in the curve of her hip. "So much."

Lou's eyes settled on the alarm clock on the nightstand. It was almost ten. "Want to hear something stupid?" she said as Harry ran her fingers through her hair.

Harry kissed the back of her neck. "Always," she said, and Lou didn't have to turn her head to know she was smiling dopily.

"I thought you might've said yes," Lou said. "To Magee. About the Niall thing."

Lou kept watching the clock, and Harry was still for the entirety of 9:53. Then she nudged the side of Lou's face with her chin, and Lou turned her head over her shoulder to look at her. A chunk of Harry's curls had fallen across her face, but it didn't hide the way she frowned. "Why?" she said. "Why would you think that?"

Lou shifted so that she was lying on her back and shrugged. "I don't know."

"Lou--"

"I guess," she said, closing her eyes. "I guess I thought, since it might put a damper in the whole 'raging slut' thing. That you might. You might not think it really mattered."

"It does, though," Harry said, nudging the side of her face again. Lou didn't open her eyes. "Doesn't it?"

"Yes," Lou said. "Yes." _More than it should_ , she didn't say.

"So why would you think...?"

"I'm sorry," Lou said, opening her eyes, and it felt as if a thin plastic film had settled over her in the past week and had been slowly suffocating her and she was finally peeling it off. "I'm _sorry_. It shouldn't affect me this much, not when I _know_ it wouldn't mean anything real, but it _does_ upset me and I didn't want to talk about that because it makes me feel so _stupid_ , okay," Harry's leg curled over hers and her hand found Lou's cheek, "and the shit you deal with is so much worse, I just feel like an idiot for letting this get to me. I'm sorry. I'm _sorry_."

When she was finished, Lou wished that she was still staring at the clock because it was easier than this seemingly endless moment of suspended animation. Harry's hand settled on her stomach and she kissed her cheek. "Lou," she said, a little amazement in her voice. "You don't have to _apologize_ for being hurt. You understand that's mad, right?"

"I," Lou said. Her voice fell away. With Harry curled around her like a kitten, she felt stupider than ever, with a few added helpings of embarrassment and affection.

"Of _course_ it affects you," Harry said, ducking to kiss the line of her jaw. "It is the biggest load of horse shit that I hope either of us will ever have to deal with in our _lives_ , and--fuck, do you think I think you have it _easy_?" Harry pulled far enough away from Lou's face to look down on her with a furrowed brow. "I _know_ you. I know how much you hate the lying, I _see_ how much it hurts, I _feel_ how much it hurts you under my skin, because it hurts me too. Seeing you hurt hurts me too."

"I know it does," Lou said. "I know. I've been a pain in the arse these past couple days, you shouldn't have to put up with that."

"You _have_ ," Harry said, frowning a little and putting her thumb to Lou's lower lip. "But. I guess we've established that I don't mind a little pain in the arse."

Lou's mouth fell open and she gaped for what felt like an eternity while Harry grinned wickedly. "Oh my god _stop_." Lou pushed Harry's shoulders away and covered her face with her hands. "That, that was the worst pun I have _ever_ heard, I don't know how I can ever look at you again."

Harry cackled. Actually _cackled_. "You loooooove meeeeee," she said, and then she was tickling Lou's sides and Lou howled, actually _howled_ with laughter before flipping Harry over and trying to pin her down and tickle the bottom of her feet at the same time, but Harry was too bloody tall so it just ended up with Lou laughing into Harry's shins until Harry pulled her up by her hips and kissed her and kissed her.

"I hate how fucking good you are," Lou said breathlessly, grinning madly, settling back against Harry's chest while the other girl winced a little pulling herself up to sit against the headboard.

Harry nipped at her shoulder and Lou giggled again before they settled into a comfortable silence, Lou scooting back and leaning her head against Harry's shoulder.

"In the spirit of honesty," Harry said after a minute, and her hand tightened around Lou's other shoulder, "it hurts a little that you didn't just talk to me about this." Lou didn't want to see the hurt in Harry's eyes so she kissed her hand.

"'m sorry," Lou said. She kissed Harry's hand again. "I'm just. I'm an idiot sometimes. Usually at the worst possible moments."

Harry leaned into Lou's head on her shoulder. "'sokay," she said. "You're pretty good at making it up to me, so. Think I'll keep you."

They fell asleep tangled together again, finally.

 

###

 

The next day, when Harry and Lou showed up at rehearsal laughing, with their arms around each other's waists like it was the easiest thing in the world, everyone that worked with them gave a collective sigh of relief. "There's our lovebirds," Niall said as Lou fed Harry a chunk of her croissant, and there were no cameras so Lou and Zayn laughed loudly while Harry giggled and blushed and Liam just grinned the whole damn morning.

Things went back to normal, mostly. The band started roughhousing during a break, which was fairly typical. What was not so typical was when Niall tackled Harry from behind and pulled her onto his lap on the couch, and she _screeched_.

Niall's eyebrows had lifted in concern and he released Harry immediately as she flushed and stood, ducking her face down. Zayn had stopped poking at Liam's hair and they both looked at Harry with concern. Harry's eyes had sought Lou's.

The whole thing had been caught on camera--some behind-the-scenes footage for some DVD or something, Lou hadn't been paying attention, just knew that she had been told to keep her hands ("and your bloody puppy love eyes, you _know_ what I'm talking about, you disgustingly in love freaks," Zayn had added) to herself around Harry for the time being. But as Harry's cheeks flushed darker red, Lou couldn't stop herself from a shy, fond smile, which, a moment after their eyes met, immediately turned into uproarious laughter.

Zayn and Liam looked between Harry and Lou as if they had lost their minds. Niall started laughing too, whether because he had figured something out or because he was Niall Lou couldn't tell, but Harry placed an exaggerated kiss on Niall's forehead and that only made them all laugh harder.

"I have no idea what just happened," Lou heard the cameraman say as she tried to stand up straight again after doubling over with laughter, "but we're definitely using that." Aware that Harry was still watching her, Lou gave her a thumbs up, and as she returned it, she wondered if she didn't know what Zayn meant about puppy love eyes after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i've got another oneshot in this verse planned (the word doc is currently entitled "here comes the strap-on"), and i'm toying with starting something chaptered after that. if you would want to read any of that, lavishing me with praise is always a good way to get my ass in gear. tumblr: socomicallygay


End file.
